You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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