Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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