he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
