called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
