Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
