Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
