That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
