I am in a vortex of obligation.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
