But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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