I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
