I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
