this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
