there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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