so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm always down for nudity.
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