dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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