I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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