turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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