so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
