I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
