Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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