Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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