were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
