My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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