I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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