At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
