No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
