Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
