I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
