Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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