i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
