i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
