She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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