But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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