why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
