We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
