between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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