And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
