We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
should my penis look like a turkey
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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