Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
