i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
