At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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