Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
splinters make it hard to masturbate
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
