New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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