okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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