Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
