i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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