update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hippo gnu deer
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
