What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
