Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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