I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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