Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
