i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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