Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
two words: eviction party
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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