This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
