Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
