I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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