im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
