He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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