3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
