He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
