I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
